I fear losing Franklin early in life and must raise my children alone. This has been my fear ever since I chose to stay with him after it was identified that he had kidney failure. It my nightmares I am in my 50s and my children are still in school. I will still have a mortgage since Franklin doesn’t qualify for mortgage insurance. Single mom. Mortgage. Children still in school. I will not be one of those single moms who date. Not until my boys are done school. That is my stance now for me. Who knows what life will bring then. Loneliness is….lonely.
It never feels right to lose your partner. After 52-years or after only 23-years, it never feels right. I have to accept that with Franklin’s health condition that this maybe my reality one day. With this in my heart everyday, I appreciate all that I have today and try not to sweat the small stuff. I have my family. I have my health. I have the world.
Here are a couple more fears:
- losing my dad – I have lost my mom and it is devastating.
- something happening to my kids – bullying, illness, etc.
- giving up – on life, my children, my work, my health
- never getting back to my pre-baby weight
- being diagnosed with a terminal illness