So, my Darling asks her friend “how are things with your mom?”. The girl answers “Better. She’s more my friend than mom”. Her answer sparked an emotion in me. Not sure if it’s admiration or disapproval. Some of her choices are every parents nightmare, but judge not lest ye be judged…something about throwing rocks when you live in a glass house…I get it. It’s just that it made me wonder what my relationship will be as my children grow older.
When I was little my parents were my world. I was daddy’s little girl and he took me everywhere. I only recognized later that it was my mom’s sacrifice to stay back and watch the store we owned that allowed my dad the freedom to take me places.
To me, my parents were parents. I wasn’t allowed to sleep over at anyone’s house except for my cousins. I’d get beat with the feather duster or whatever else was closer, pending the severity of my disobedience. I’m not saying it was abuse. I was not bleeding nor unconscious. As I grew into my teenage years there was no acceptance for coming home drunk or smoking. They were not the ‘cool’ parents who would let me drink alcohol at home with my buddies. I’ve heard the saying “I’d rather them get drunk at my home so I can see what’s going on”. I’m still on the fence about that. What’s your take??
When I went through University I would still go home no matter what time it was. I just wanted my own bed. I think that was a direct result of not being allowed to sleep out when I was younger. Only if I was really polluted would I sleep it off at some dorm or friend’s place. When I started to hit a rave/after-hours or two, then I started sleeping out. But, at least by then I was older and a bit more mature. I remember at one party, this girl was on all sorts of chemicals and she was ONLY fifteen. I thought to myself, if she’s all messed up like this at 15 how is she going to get her buzz on when she’s 20?!? Can you say future crack/coke head…
Back then I thought my parents were so lame. So strict. They didn’t understand how hard it was to be a teenager. But, now I see that they put all those restrictions because they love and care about my safety. If they didn’t care what time I came home I’d be like that 15-yr old flying high as a kite and out at 5:30am.
Teenagers are going to push the limits. So, I’ll be setting limits and rules. They are going to cross them. I accept that. But, hopefully it’s not too far over and I’m bailing them out of jail, nor having them get some girl pregnant nor move out at 16 nor selling drugs or their body. I don’t plan on being a total hardass and they rebel right out the door. Hopefully, there will be a patience, communication, and respect from both sides.
Now, as an adult, I seek their advice and opinion. I value the life lessons they have to offer. I can only hope that I raise my kids as wells as my parents have raised me.
What type of relationship should a parent have with their child? What was your like with your parents?